In 2019, I was sold on the idea that my new shower should have wifi. It would pre-run every morning at 7am, guaranteeing hot water. And when I'd get out of bed two hours later, I'd need to let it run again. But the system worked. I was the anomaly. A few years later, the manufacturer retired the cloud. My smart shower became nothing more than a shower. I thought nothing of it. For years. Covid happened and this wasn't even on my list. In a period where people became sourdough aficionados, I wasn't even casually curious about my shower. Then, during a period involving multiple genuinely life-changing events, I ignored them all. Instead I reverse-engineered a device which, in the words of bigclivedotcom, is "a beast." I soldered a JTAG header onto the circuit board. I identified functions from ARM memory dumps. I crafted GDB scripts that trick the device into replacing its own SSL certificate chain. I built a websocket server to impersonate the dead cloud. I reverse-engineered a binary protocol and discovered my shower has a neighbour routing table. I released tools early and found myself amongst a community of fellow regrettable smart-shower owners, where the dynamics of open source meet the expectations of consumer support. This talk is about what happens when a cloud device loses its cloud. It's about hardware hacking, binary protocol reverse-engineering, and building for a community that wants solutions, not projects. And it's about the people who decided a shower needed wifi.