You have an object / art installation/auction purchase and want it somewhere else? What are the options of getting it there without breaking yourself? This will be a short, hopefully entertaining, overview of transport options, their financial and environmental impact and the time they take. This talk is based on examples of personal experience sending hacky art installations around Europe and the globe. By doing this many questions had to be answered for example: - how big are doors? - why acessability regulayions are great or not? - what fits in an elevator? - how much fits in a van? - what fit’s in a cargo aeroplane? There will be dragons! Along the way we’ll encounter customs officers, new excitement around rules for international road haulage, air freight and how astronomically long container shipping takes.